The recent article, “Divorced Wives: Why Frum Acceptance of Divorce Led to Disastrous Results,” presents itself as a commentary on the growing normalization of divorce within the frum community. However, its overwhelmingly one-sided perspective and blatant bias against women undermine any meaningful contribution to the conversation. A more balanced and nuanced approach is needed to explore the true challenges facing frum marriages and the consequences of divorce.

Blame Misplaced: Feminism as a Convenient Scapegoat

The article attributes the erosion of family values to the influence of feminism, painting it as the root cause of marital breakdowns. This oversimplification ignores the cultural pressures within the frum world that also contribute to these issues.

One glaring omission is the discussion of the role of young men who are often raised with the expectation to exclusively learn Torah, with financial support provided by their in-laws. While Torah study is a cornerstone of frum life, this reliance can sometimes foster an unhealthy dynamic, where men are neither financially independent nor emotionally prepared for the realities of marriage.

When these young men enter marriage, many lack the maturity and skills to contribute as equal partners. This dynamic places an undue burden on women, who are expected to manage the home, raise children, and often support the family financially—all while respecting their husbands as the “head of the household.” Feminism is not the sole disruptor of family values; systemic imbalances within the community also deserve scrutiny.

Overlooking the Challenges of Women Post-Divorce

A significant portion of the article is devoted to the hardships faced by men post-divorce, including financial obligations like child support and limited access to their children. While these are valid concerns, the narrative ignores the disproportionate struggles faced by divorced women.

Women often emerge from divorce as the primary caregivers, shouldering the full weight of raising children. From carpooling to homework, bedtime routines to emotional support, these responsibilities fall squarely on their shoulders. Meanwhile, some fathers live relatively carefree lives, free from the daily grind of parenting, while still being perceived as heroes by their children during occasional visits.

Financial support is often minimal, and divorced mothers must navigate the dual roles of provider and caregiver, often while healing from years of emotional or psychological strain within the marriage. Ignoring these realities paints a distorted picture of the post-divorce landscape.

The Need for Balanced Accountability

The article calls for conflict resolution and a focus on selflessness in marriage, which are undoubtedly noble goals. However, these solutions fail to address the root causes of marital strife. Unrealistic expectations, insufficient premarital education, and rigid gender roles contribute to the fragility of many frum marriages.

Rather than solely emphasizing external influences like feminism, the discussion should examine how communal norms and pressures shape the marital experience. For instance, are young couples adequately prepared for the realities of marriage? Are men and women given the tools to build relationships based on mutual respect and partnership?

Children in the Crossfire: A Skewed Perspective

The article highlights tragic cases where children are alienated from their fathers, presenting this as a common outcome of divorce. While such cases are heartbreaking, they represent only one side of the story.

Equally common are situations where mothers, already stretched thin, must serve as both parents. These women bear the full emotional and financial responsibility for their children, often without adequate support from their ex-spouses. A genuine discussion about the impact of divorce on children must account for the sacrifices and challenges faced by mothers as well.

Toward a Constructive Dialogue

Divorce is undeniably painful and disruptive, but blaming one gender or ideology oversimplifies the issue and alienates those who are already vulnerable. A more constructive dialogue requires empathy and fairness, acknowledging the challenges faced by both men and women in the frum community.

To foster healthier marriages and better support divorced families, the community must address the systemic issues that contribute to marital breakdowns. This includes promoting emotional growth, financial independence, and mutual respect for both partners.

Moreover, any discussion about divorce must include the voices and lived experiences of women, men, and children equally. Only through a balanced and inclusive approach can the frum community address these challenges with the sensitivity and wisdom they demand.

By reframing the conversation, we can move beyond blame and work toward solutions that strengthen marriages, support families, and uphold the values of fairness and compassion central to Torah life.