This new idea just presented to our community, while understanding the meaningfulness of trying a new system, in reality will do more harm than good. No one can deny there is a huge problem with singles, especially the older girls. Whose heart does not bleed for the parents of an older girl or boy doing everything and anything, going through embarrassments, agreeing to fork out their life saving, and not have to quietly watch their child keep suffering trying to find their shiddach. (more…)
As the point of this article has been made and in compliance with a large number of our readers, this article has been archived. The original version is available for reading upon request.
There are still some of the main points of the article detailed below.
The purpose of the original article was to shed light on the efforts of some groups in our community and to help express a large majority’s opinion of those efforts. Now that a new reasoning has come to light, there is a chance that it will be employed and utilized to help our community in the shidduch sphere. We are sorry for those who were offended by the article and we would just like to point out that the purpose was not to bash those seeking to aid the community but to just guide them in a direction that many members of the community deem more suitable for our society as a whole.
Thank you for reading.
A plan to help our singles in the community:
Gather together all of the best shadchanim and hire them as full-time employees. Regular, 9-5 employees. Pay them a salary, whatever makes sense, say, 65k to 80k per year. Give the shadchanim office space, phones, computers, give them all the tools they need to succeed in shidduchim. These shadchanim will be considered regular employees, they can even be assigned quotas and have goals set to determine a certain amount of dates per week they must “set up” etc. Let them work solid week after week to help marry off the singles in our community.
If these shadchanim make a successful shidduch and the parents want to pay them for the shadchanus, great! Let them pay! But it isn’t required, as they are already being paid by the caring wealthy people (and supported by the rabanim, of course) of our community! Paying these salaries should not prove too difficult for the outspoken wealthy families in our community. Hopefully. I am certain that others would be more than willing to donate money to such a lofty cause.
If more money is donated to this cause? Great! Hire more full-time shadchanim! The more the merrier!
A program like this not only ensures that there are top shadchanim working tirelessly to aid our community, but it also ensures that:
They are fairly compensated for their time, work, and effort.
Everyone in the community has access to top shadchanim.
Shadchanim are no longer incentivized to set up rich families with other rich families over families of lower socioeconomic status.
Families are no longer pressured into paying “high-end” shadchanim more than they can, for shidduchim they present to the family.
The Bottom Line:
Hire full-time shadchanim and pay them regular salaries. If others want to donate to the cause, let them, but it cannot be required of them.
So let’s grow together and get it straight, don’t get our husband to shop or do anything really, for Wifey to be truly happy. For sure shopping stories are a plenty but 3 times 3 = 9, and 9 isn’t a lucky number which rhymes with nein (the word is from Yiddish meaning no). (more…)
We are all familiar with the saying “closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.” The “oh my what just happened?” Why wasn’t I more vigilant?
Tonight in Lakewood, New Jersey an event was cancelled due to pressure from the powers that be. It was to be an evening of song and merriment with food and wine,starring two very popular singers from the frum Jewish world. It was decided by the hanhala that this event would possibly attract the wrong element, become rowdy and then possibly turn into an evening of mingling even though it was a kumzitz for men only.
I hope to write a full response soon, but for now this will have to do.
After reading this article, all I could think to myself was, “Oy. When will this stop?”
It seems the cinematic drivel that is One of Us, has released the flood gates. It’s now an “in” thing to bash and debase the frum/yeshiva community for all the “oppressing” it commits and to “uncover the truth” of its primary goal (to raise their children as uneducated morons).
In lieu of my full response to the above article and this new, sickeningly inane, phenomenon. And to all those poor unfortunate souls who were so downtrodden by their religious Jewish communities, I say this:
OYY!! I feel so bad for you! Wahhhhhh Wahhhhh! Hope you feel better soon! Free hugs!!
Note: Been getting texts from many of you asking what set me off on such an angry tirade. At least, angrier than usual. Well it’s simple. This issue is something that started popping up everywhere. It’s becoming increasingly popular to blame everyone else (as opposed to one’s own self) for one’s shortcomings. This has to be nipped in the bud. Obviously this requires extensive conversation. Feel free to call during business hours. 2097838369 – A Thinking Yid.
How often do we utter the phrase “Can you do me a favor”? Some of us do so more than others, and on some days we do so more than on other days. When a person does us a favor we say “Thank you” and feel a sense of gratitude toward the person who is helping us out. This is the way we feel; whether the person helped us by lending us a pen or donating a kidney, the feeling of gratitude is present (with an obvious difference in the level of gratitude).
If we can feel gratitude for something as small and trivial as someone allowing us to use their pen, then why do we not feel gratitude and take for granted the life that we were given along with the other great gifts that come with it? When you walk down the street, when was the last time that you thought about how great it is to be alive, how colorful the world is, and all its different smells and tastes? I can tell you that I do not have a great answer for this myself and it’s a problem. We go through life thinking about how great our lives would be if we only had a better sense of humor or drove a nicer car, and focus on the things that we don’t have while ignoring the things we do have until we don’t have them anymore.
Instead of looking at our neighbor and wishing that we can have what he has, how about if we take the time to appreciate what we have, instead? What if we were to appreciate our parents being alive and living under the same roof, or the friends and family that you have, that you can walk and see, are pain free, and the list goes on. There are so many things to be thankful for, why look at the things that we perceive are lacking and preventing us from being happy? Instead, take time to thank the Almighty for the unique gifts he gave each of us to deal with our unique tests that we are given in this world.
Instead of only crying out when we need something (although HKBH wants us to turn to him in our time of need), let us take the time to appreciate being able to see, smell, and spend time with our family and friends, and when we speak to HKBH say “Thank you” for the presents he gave us.
I will not be able to stress this enough. These disgraceful animals are not representative of the Ultra-Orthodox and Chasidic Jewish communities.
If anyone knows this BRAVE חיילת, PLEASE let her know that the orthodox Jewish people of America and Israel stand behind her!!
We know our apologies do not wipe the spittle from her face but we hope she hears and believes us when we say: Thank you for your service. Thank you for standing your ground. Thank you for protecting our land!
We live in a Modern, Western, and Liberal society (especially those of us who live in America, though these ideas are pervasive throughout the entire world). A world in which Yes is a byword. Where we give an unlimited and unbounded Yes to human rights, LGBTQ rights, healthcare, Nazi free speech, black power, police power, the list goes on and on. A world where we acknowledge every problem and attempt to make all people feel comfortable in whatever situation they may be in. Be it social, economic or political. A world where everyone is a winner; even those who could not cross the finish line. (more…)
The following article is the first part of a seven-part series on shidduchim. The author can be contacted through the site. Use the follow button (on sidebar) to receive alerts when the next part is posted.
I am a 23-year-old woman. I attended 3 Bais Yaakov schools. I also made friends from other schools and towns in sleep-away camp, so I hear about what goes on outside of Brooklyn as well. Therefore, when I say that I believe that this is a problem across the Jewish world, remember that I interact with people who don’t come from Brooklyn. All names have been changed for obvious privacy reasons.(more…)
Some fascinating developments have recently occured. Moreover, the press, always eager to tar and feather Israel, Zionists, and Likud/Revisionist Zionists/Irgun at the drop of a hat, barely covered it.(more…)
Should Jews Take Sides in the Charlottesville Chaos?
Since I was a very young boy, the number one thing that I have heard in regards to any political issue was always the question, “Is it good for the Jews?” The US has declared war against Iraq; fine, but “Is it good for the Jews?” Congress is trying to pass welfare reform; fine, but “is it good for the Jews?” So on and so forth. (more…)
As an Orthodox Jew, I would like to make some things clear. No one, not one single person, would even notice the Eruv unless someone else pointed it out to them. Most of us (orthodox/observant Jews) don’t even know where the Eruv is situated exactly.
I would like to begin by asking how are we to react to the events of the past week? How are we to react when we see our enemies celebrating after they killed some Jews, and after they embarrassed Israel. (more…)
For some reason there is a common occurrence found among people who enter into a debate or discussion. You will often find that at some point the conversation shifts from discussing the actual topic, to discussing people. This usually occurs when someone feels flustered or frustrated and “loses their cool”. They then begin to lash out at the individual who says something, instead of at what they actually said. Usually little children, and sadly politicians, will resort to this method of debate. But I have found that it has also snuck its way into our discussions about religion.
As part of a recent debate, we would like to poll the knowledge of Gilgulim in the Jewish community. Please respond truthfully. An article regarding this topic and addressing the polling results will be posted in a few weeks.
If anyone would like to submit an article on the topic please use the submit link on the homepage.
The past few weeks have been kind of rough. I have spent much time worrying about what will be and how things will turn out in the end. Money is always a concern for most people. How much we have? How much we make? How much we are going to make? How much are we spending and on what? Can we buy the stuff that we want? (more…)
Jews, in the words of Tolkien (he of Lord of the Rings fame), are a “gifted people”. John Adams was fulsome in his praise. “They are the most glorious nation that ever inhabited this Earth. The Romans and their Empire were but a Bauble in comparison of the Jews. They have… influenced the affairs of Mankind more, and more happily, than any other Nation ancient or modern.” Mark Twain: “His contributions to the World’s list of of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also way out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.” (more…)
I am asking this as seriously as I can. I am not referring to the “Shidduch crisis” that currently “plagues” our community. An achievable solution has already been formulated, albeit, not put into action. I digress.
I was recently at a Shabbos sheva brachos, and the chosson and kallah arrived almost 45 minutes late to lunch after deciding to go home after kiddush. As a friend of theirs, I met them outside and mentioned that I understood they are the chosson and kallah but it is not correct to make more than 50 people wait to start the sueda. The kallah responded, “We are the chosson and kallah, there are cheshbonos”. I was shocked by that response. (more…)
There must be many thousands of Jews in the United and States and elsewhere who get their news from chareidi websites. I confess to reading these websites myself throughout the day. About a week ago, a story of a “Kiddush Hashem” appeared on a well-known chareidi website. It concerned the Korean Ambassador to the United Nations and his daughter who worked for a well-known Agudah leader. (more…)
I thought long and hard before writing the following words. For a couple of years, I dithered and I paused. For many months, I questioned whether I had the right to be critical of those seeking our assistance. But events that happened recently in Eretz Yisroel convinced me that some things had to be said, regardless of their sensitivity. (more…)
The following is not a joke, it actually was recorded on their hotline
On Friday night in the big Shul in Square Town, the gabbai (sexton) called out “everyone must go out and vote for Hillary Clinton”. Since it was announced in Shul it was with the Rebbe’s guidance. When Trump was the winner, a rumor started that the Rebbe really knew (a Rebbe knows everything) Trump was going to win (more…)
With this latest conviction of Rabbi Berland, where he admitted to several counts of groping woman and kissing them. Let us not kid ourselves, this was a plea bargain where at these things, the perpetrator admits to lesser charges as to avoid more jail time. It is now clear to us, that with his admission of “just” fondling and kissing, we see that these claims by all the other women of what he did to them are completely true. (more…)
The Jewish people arose as a nation many millennia ago. From the dawn if its birth, at the time of the Revelation at Mount Sinai, events occurred that influenced the march of its history and were indeed the hinges that changed the course of our nation. At these junctures, people arose who became, sometimes unwittingly, the instrument of those historical changes. (more…)
Now that the bitter and nasty fought election are over and there is a new President, we should all pray for his success. Still many are frightened, concerned, and some angry enough to take to the streets. This fear by so many is not that the “Right wing” won and there will be more conservative policies over next few years here, the fear is a totally different fear. The Republican agenda is much closer to my thinking then the Democrats, but I stayed home and did not vote this year, as I felt we were left with choice of either a macshefa (nasty person) or a mishugana (a nut job). (more…)
Something that always irked me but I never really spoke about was the current state of Simchas Torah in our community. To me, Simchas Torah was represented by the usual assortment of rowdy individuals, many of whom picked up a Gemara* maybe 12 times this year, dancing in a raucous crowd of giddy, inebriated, and puerile adults.