Improper Religiosity

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I was recently at a Shabbos sheva brachos, and the chosson and kallah arrived almost 45 minutes late to lunch after deciding to go home after kiddush. As a friend of theirs, I met them outside and mentioned that I understood they are the chosson and kallah but it is not correct to make more than 50 people wait to start the sueda. The kallah responded, “We are the chosson and kallah, there are cheshbonos”.  I was shocked by that response. There is no such thing as a cheshbon when other people are involved. Are you that much more important than others? Are you so selfish that other people become collateral damage due to your ‘cheshbon’?

Unfortunately, this is the approach many people take when doing mitzvos. How many times have you been whipped in the face by the overzealous Tallis-wearer? How many times have you been stabbed by the aggressive Lulav shaker? How many times have you been caught in front of the marathon shemoneh-esrei-davener? Many individuals are so blinded by their quest to accomplish their mitzvah that they lose all awareness of those around them. Is that the way Hashem wants us to do Mitzvos?  I won’t go so far as to deem these actions a ‘mitzvah hab’ah b’aveirah, but perhaps a comment I once heard from my rebbe would properly characterize this type of behavior .  He once quipped, “Frumkeit without mentchlichkeit is krumkeit”. Religiosity without proper decency and decorum is faulty. This statement is an accurate description of such mitzvos and should serve as a wakeup call to those who suffer from such a callous outlook in their religious observance.

Hopefully, we can apply this lesson to our lives and maintain proper focus and perspective when performing mitzvos and when interacting with others.

Author: 010

5 comments

  1. Yes. Moshe Dick is right. This is my son – so proud of him. Also a Chosson himself and I believe speaking from a place of intention. I would list the rest of his fine qualities and achievements but who am I to kvell??

    “Only a Mother”
    //Son, May I “out” you or you will do it yourself in the author list ?????//

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  2. Derech Eretz Kadma LaTorah – one interpretation is that menschlichkeit, decency, common courtesy precedes Torah.

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  3. There are cheshbonos, means it is a private intimate time, not religiosity.

    The fact is that newlyweds feel time has stood still and they are the only people who count. This is a human emotion, not a religious belief. Each of us had our time, and now it is theirs. The package deal of a chassuna wherein the chosson kallah are feted and treated like a royalty is a more secure marriage. This is a small price to pay.

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  4. [19:35, 12/27/2016] Father: I am so bothered by this careless practice – but I know the כלל of ישראל קדושים הם so there must be something somewhere the source where this practice started out.
    I did some halachig research, see the following below:
    [19:42, 12/27/2016] Father: שולחן ערוך
    יש נוהגין להסתכל בציצית כשמגיעים לוראיתם אותו וליתן אותם על העינים ומנהג יפה הוא וחבובי מצוה

    כף החיים
    (יד) סעיף ד׳: יש נוהגים להסתכל בציצית כשמגיעים לוראיתם אותו וליתן אותם על העינים וכו׳ — נמצא בשם הקדמונים, שכל המעביר ציצית על עיניו כשקורא פרשת ציצית, יהא מובטח שלא יבא לידי סימוי עינים. קיצור של״ה סוף דיני ציצית דף מ׳ ע״א ובהגהה דף ט״ל ע״ד. וכן כתב יד אהרן במהדורא בתרא בהגהת הטור אות א׳ בשם מצת שמורים. אליהו רבא אות ג׳. כף החיים להרב חיים פלאג׳י סימן יו״ד אות י״ג. שתילי זיתים אות ז

    משנה ברורה
    (ז) על העינים — נמצא בשם קדמונים שכל המעביר ציצית על עיניו כשקורא פרשה ציצית יהא מובטח שלא יבא לידי סמוי עינים.

    Now that it is established that one should place their ציצית on their eyes משום חיבוב מצוה
    There are those individuals that believe this practice should be shared with everyone in sight to make sure that everyone around them are מחשיב this מנהג and would not mind getting slammed smack in the eyes as חיבוב מצוה
    So there you have it – it’s not just bad practice, it’s a halachic suggestion as a remedy for preserving one’s eye sight.

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